Last updated: August 2026. This article is for general information and is not a substitute for personalised advice from your doctor, therapist, or pediatrician. See our Editorial Policy.
Quick answer: A new survey of 2,000 parents, commissioned by therapy platform Rula and conducted by Talker Research (July 2026), found that 57% of parents who feel relief about their kids returning to school also feel guilty about that relief, and 40% admit they put their own mental health on hold most of the week to focus on their family. A quarter of parents say the hardest conversations they have during back-to-school season aren’t with their kids — they’re with themselves. If you’ve felt a flicker of “I shouldn’t feel this relieved” this week, the data says you’re in the majority, not the exception. Below: what the survey actually found, why the guilt shows up specifically at this transition, and a short self-check parents can use instead of pushing the feeling down.
The survey, in plain numbers
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 parents of school-aged children between July 10–14, 2026, on behalf of Rula, a mental health platform. The headline findings:
- 78% of parents describe themselves as their own harshest critic.
- 57% of parents who feel relief that school is starting again also feel guilty about that relief.
- 40% put their own mental health on hold for most of the week to focus on their family instead.
- 41% privately question whether they’re doing enough as a parent; 33% feel guilty about losing their patience; 31% worry they aren’t giving their child enough attention.
- Parents give their kids about four pep talks a week on average — but 23% reassure themselves less often than once a week.
- 24% say the hardest conversations of back-to-school season are with themselves, not their kids.
- Only 14% of parents in the survey currently see a mental health professional, even though most agree therapy could help them process routines, guilt, and general parenting anxiety this time of year.
“While conversations about mental health have become more common, many parents still feel pressure to appear like they have everything under control,” said Dr. Doug Newton, Rula’s chief medical officer, in the survey release. “That expectation can make it harder to acknowledge when they’re struggling and even harder to ask for support.”
Why back-to-school specifically triggers this
Back-to-school isn’t just a logistics event — new supplies, new schedules, new drop-off routines. According to the survey, it’s an emotional pile-up of contradictory feelings happening at once: parents report feeling excited (47%), hopeful (44%), and confident in their kids (42%) — while simultaneously carrying anxiety about whether their child will adjust (28%), sadness that the summer togetherness is ending (28%), and being overwhelmed by the logistics of it all (23%).
Holding “I’m so glad to have my routine back” and “I feel like a bad parent for being glad” in your head at the same time is exhausting on its own, and the survey suggests most parents are doing exactly that silently. When something goes wrong internally — self-doubt, overwhelm, a short temper — the most common response isn’t to talk to someone. It’s to shelve it: 40% say they handle it on their own without asking for help, 33% try to focus on the day-to-day instead of the bigger picture, and 32% stay busy specifically to avoid thinking about it. One in five parents (21%) say they always feel alone when dealing with these mental battles about parenting.
This lines up with something we’ve already covered on this site: preschool and daycare separation anxiety is well-documented and openly discussed for kids (see our day-by-day prep plan for a child’s separation anxiety if that’s what you’re navigating right now). What’s talked about far less is the parallel version happening in the parent, and this survey is some of the first hard data quantifying it this season.
A 3-question self-check, instead of pushing the feeling down
You don’t need a diagnosis or a big intervention to interrupt the “handle it alone and stay busy” pattern the survey describes. Try this when the guilt or overwhelm shows up — in the car after drop-off, during the first quiet cup of coffee, wherever it tends to hit:
- “What am I actually feeling right now — relief, guilt, sadness, or all three?” Naming it specifically (rather than a vague “off” feeling) is the first step the survey’s own respondents said helped: 23% found value in simply reassuring themselves that what they’re feeling is normal.
- “Would I judge a friend this harshly for feeling the same thing?” With 78% of parents calling themselves their own harshest critic, this single reframe does a lot of work — most parents extend more grace to others than to themselves.
- “Who’s one person I could say this out loud to today?” The survey found parents lean on partners (37%), friends (33%), and their own parents (32%) as support — but only when they actually reach out. Reassurance doesn’t have to come from a therapist to count; it has to come from somewhere other than your own head.
If the guilt, self-doubt, or overwhelm is a daily, heavy presence rather than a passing back-to-school wave — or if it’s affecting your sleep, patience, or ability to function — that’s a signal worth taking to a doctor or a licensed therapist rather than something to keep managing solo. Of the parents in the survey who are already in therapy, the coping tools they credit most are mindfulness exercises (32%), learning to let go of what’s outside their control (31%), and setting realistic expectations for themselves and their child (30%) — all things a professional can help build even outside of a full course of therapy.
What this means if your child is also struggling with the transition
If you’re managing your own guilt and your toddler or preschooler is having a hard time at drop-off, that’s not a coincidence — a parent radiating quiet anxiety about the transition makes it harder for a child to feel calm about it too, and vice versa. Steadying yourself first, even briefly, is not selfish; it’s practical. If separation anxiety at drop-off is the piece you need help with, our preschool separation anxiety prep plan walks through a day-by-day plan starting 1–2 weeks out. This piece and that one are meant to be read together — one is about your child’s adjustment, this one is about yours.
The bottom line
A new 2026 survey of 2,000 parents found that most of the internal back-to-school struggle isn’t happening in front of the kids — it’s happening quietly, in parents’ own heads, and it’s common enough that 57% of parents feel guilty for the relief they also feel, and 78% call themselves their harshest critic. The instinct to handle it alone and stay busy is understandable, but it’s also the pattern most likely to leave you feeling isolated in it. A short, specific self-check — name the feeling, extend yourself the grace you’d give a friend, and say it out loud to one person today — costs nothing and interrupts the “shelve it” cycle the data describes. If it’s more than a passing wave, a conversation with a therapist or your doctor is a reasonable, common next step, not an overreaction.
Sources
- Talker Research — Parents put mental health on hold for back-to-school (July 31, 2026)
- Talker Research — Study reveals how much time parents spend driving kids to school (August 4, 2026)
- Scripps News — Survey: Back-to-school driving costs parents nearly 7,000 minutes a year
- Rula — mental health platform, survey commissioner
- Parentiol — Preschool Separation Anxiety: A Day-by-Day Prep Plan
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